Ywf
Beautiful Lies
I don’t want the ugly truth anymore
I’m tired of facing the facts of life and reality
I’m tired of dismissing a dreamt possibility
ignoring my intuition and selling out to logic
I wanna fly with my beautiful lies
convince myself the world isn’t evil
the people who inhabit it are just as pleasant
as the dreams of an innocent
I wanna see the beauty in everything
but there is no beauty in a slow death…
slowly falling apart… losing control… and
trying to hold together with a lie…
truth outweighs lies…
all good things come to an end…
I pray the bad things do too…
they say the good die young
its times like now I wish I was evil
Facing Reality
As a small child she never exspressed the pain she felt. Her innocence stolen at five. Only focused on trying to live up to the younger version of what she should be. What she trained her mind to think that she could be. To be that one who didnt have to ask Daddy why dont you love me? Unable to please the unpleasable. She loked for other ways to fill that void. She was determined to find love she said it would be that it could be. Trying to train her mind again to think of what could be.
Small circular scares on her arm show the wayshe tried to deal. She didnt understand at the time that just putting in the back of her mind would not help hide the fact that it was real.She wanted it to be gone. But just like the sun rises and falls it always resurfaced right infront of her face. She wouldnt speak of it because she felt it was her disgrace. Trying to run away just seemed to make it worse. She still felt as thought this was still her curse. The secret she would continue to keep until they laid her to rest. This is what she thought was best. What she trained her mind to think of what would be what should be.
Thirteen years later still dealing with the pain she felt inside. Something that was becoming so hard to hide. No more scares on her arms oh shes moved up to something new sex alcohol and weed is how she made it through. The years of trying to supress her thoughts had lead to burns on her arms and unwanted pregancies. Seems like more pain than gain right? Yet she still thought she trained her mind to think of what would be what should be. Just to be able to not feel. To not have to deal. Thats how she thought she made it through.
As these last words leave my mouth I want to say little brother I forgive you. Dad you to. As I try to move on with my lifeI cant keep trying to train my mind to think of what should or could be. I have sold out to logic for the sake of my sanity. To be happy with me. To learn to love me. To be happy because I understand that this is what will be.
